Close Friends
by Sky10
Summary: Wesley calls Connor when they decide to accept their fates and destinies. WesleyConnor
1. Default Chapter

Close Friends  
  
Characters- Wes, Connor. Pairings- Wes/Connor. Rated- NC-17. Timeline- Post Season 4. Author- Sky E-mail- sky_in_blue151@yahoo.co.uk Feedback- Please R&R. Disclaimer- I own no character or place in this story, except maybe for one guy you'll spot. Summary- Wesley calls Connor when they decide to accept their fates and destinies. Losing Close Friends Song- Close Friends by Adema -represented by italics. Timeline- Post Season 4 no specific spoilage.  
  
Today you told me that I'd hate you forever I can't believe what's really going on.  
  
"Why would anybody reject love?", Wesley echoed as he walked down the streets, he didn't really know where he was going, just who he was going to. He repeated Connor's words emptily. Connor never said much but what he did say, it was honest and riddled with meaning. Wes had known that but he'd never really let himself appreciate it. He didn't really know why. Why he never gave any of his time to Connor when he cared so much for him. Maybe he just felt guilty because deep down he still believed the entire Connor being sent to a hell dimension was all his fault. He felt like his heart would rip in two everytime he looked upon Connor's face. Connor never mentioned it, never seemed to cry.  
  
Things had been different when he'd said that, when he spoke his heart and it was just accepted. They'd been changed and it made it easier, made him capable of looking in the mirror without his insides turning. They'd all been happy for a little while. It was strange, to see Connor smile. To really smile, not smirk. He was filled with an honest purity that no one could understand. He was so hard, so cold, and yet underneath it all he had so many childlike qualities that no one besides him could keep. But now reality had shown its harsh face and Connor was gone, somewhere far away drowning in his depression. And it was all his fault, he had lost Connor and made him loveless. He had stolen all the light and the happiness from that beautiful boy.  
  
So he was searching for him now, he was going to look right into Connor's beautiful sad blue eyes and confess everything. He had to accept the blame, hopefully Connor would take it out on his face. He wanted to break through the guilt, to put it on display. To justify it, to let Connor have his revenge, Connor needed it. More importantly he deserved it.  
  
"What do you deserve?", Angel's words echoed in Connor's mind as he lay crying. He'd ran, he'd ran so hard and fast that he thought his legs would fall off, but he broke through it and they seemed to run independent of his body. To an observer his running was effortless, spring-like, his feet never touched the pavement for more than a mini-second before they were up again. Forget effortless, Connor was a blur. Scratching his arm against the nearby walls so that he'd bleed and then ran in the opposite direction, he didn't want to be followed he didn't want to see anyone. Finally he ran into a dark corner of the sewers where he could close himself in. He'd gently and cautiously stepped into the small dank hole, it can't have been more than five by five and it stank of rats, sewage and demon blood. But the blood was stale, the demon had been gone for a very long time. 


	2. Remorse ch2

He sat in the crapped space and pulled the door shut. He was quiet for a moment reflectful, then he pushed his back against the wall falling against it as his façade faded and he cried long and hard. His chest hurt like it was being squeezed tightly by some unknown and unseen demon but there was none there. He wished there was a demon something corporal something out and out evil that he could thrash. What he was feeling he couldn't fight, he was so confused and lost in himself.  
  
There was a darkness inside of him that he couldn't fight. What did he deserve? He thought that he'd deserved to be happy, to have a family. Just one person that loved him, even for a little while. A good memory of something real just one: "Oh God just one", he cried but then gave up, his throat ached at trying to talk and cry at the same time, besides he needed the silence. Where no one could see him fall apart.  
  
Wesley forgot why he going to see Connor and stood confused. Was he going to apologize? He couldn't how could he just admit to being such a failure. He couldn't let anybody know who he really was. Least of all The Destroyer, Angel's precious son. He stood still in the dark suddenly unable to breathe. What was he doing? Why did he really want to see Connor? Why didn't he tell anyone that he was going to look for him? The questions quickly gave him a blinding headache but he was still keeping up his appearance, his stiff upper-lip. His father had always told him to keep that stiff upper-lip, he was always ashamed of Wesley and it didn't matter how well Wesley did at the academy, didn't matter how far he went.  
  
The shadow and disapproval of Wesley's father had followed him, deep down he knew he could never do anything to make it go away. He would always be that sniveling little boy that hid in his cupboards to escape his father and to cry where no one could see him to be disgusted at his weakness. Maybe somewhere Connor was crying in a cupboard of his own, followed by the shadow and the disapproval Angel had tried not to give him. But had failed, Connor would be somewhere cold lost and with the shadow of two fathers, two fathers who he had betrayed and disgusted when all he did, he did to be loved and that was clear now. 


	3. Questions ch3

Somehow I knew that you felt guilty for something But tell me why you do this to me.  
  
"Its reckless thinking like that", Wesley telling off Connor. Connor's newest torture to his muddled mind. No one liked him. And it was all his fault. He'd done it to himself. He'd said that he didn't care what Wesley said or did, but he did. He cared and Wesley disagreeing with him, it surprised him. It hurt so much stabbed through him so suddenly that he couldn't reply. He just got really angry. They were all coming back now, the memories flashed through his head and he couldn't think he couldn't be. Angel had given up on him and he'd given up on himself. "This isn't real! None of this is real", he screamed that at the top of his voice while he trashed his bedroom. Was it his bedroom? No it wasn't, they made it. They made it all and took everything that was real. His life may have been fucked up but it was his. And they took it away. Why? Love? Is this what love was? He'd ripped every poster from his wall tore up every photograph, burned all his college books while the woman that thought she was his mother sat crying terrified in the corner. Was she his mother? They both remembered eachother, he'd ran to her when he had nightmares and she'd welcomed him into her arms with soft loving eyes. Was it real? What made his experiences real? They'd be waiting for him now. His buddies in college would be sitting in his dorm waiting for him to return but he wouldn't. That Watcher! That friggin Watcher! That's what he called himself. He gave Connor back his life and tore away all that he knew.  
  
"I'm the Destroyer". The Destroyer, he hadn't handled it very well. He'd once announced it with pride and a superior smirk. But in that cemetery, when Wesley told him. When a vampire arose and Connor tried to run he'd handled it with a fear that he'd never known. He tried to run but Wes had grabbed his wrist coldly and instructed him to turn as the vampire ran at them. The look that Connor had given Wesley was one of absolute fear and heartache. He hadn't understood what this strange man was doing. He didn't know that vampires exsisted. He didn't know who he was and that was a great tragedy in Wesley's eyes. He'd roughly turned Connor about and threw him into the bright eyed vampire. It was cruel and harsh, but its what Connor needed. He needed some tough love, he needed the truth. They all did.  
  
Connor had scrambled on top of this vampire and tried to turn to flee in the opposite direction. This time the vamp had grabbed him by the jacket and threw Connor over a gravestone. When his back hit that stone something inside Connor had snapped it was clear, the vampire was at least a foot taller than Connor going in for his soft neck, but Connor flipped the vampire off him, elevating the massive childes body with his feet and throwing him over him to have its head connect with a stone cross which gashed its head before he could move away. Wesley had watched Connor's unprofessional fight with a great deal of interest. He wondered if this was what calling a slayer was like, he'd never done it before. Giles hadn't either. His father had told him under no circumstances should he help a young champion on their first kill. But he had no intention of it anyway. It wasn't even Connor's first kill, even if he couldn't remember it Connor had killed thousands of times before.  
  
Today you told me that I'd hate you forever I can't believe that you'd wreck my life. 


	4. The Cost ch4

"I've killed lots!", had he? It seemed like a dream, no a nightmare. There certainly was something there. Memories flashed right before his eyes, great insect like demons chewing on his body while he was still alive, desperately trying to find the energy to run. Why had this man, this Wesley done this to him? He remembered so much but in a less than sober fashion his head spun as he tried to think. That vampire had nearly killed him, nearly ripped his throat to drink his blood and that Wesley just stood there. Just watched! Watchers! Holtz had told him that Watchers were ridiculously silly people afraid to get their hands dirty. Wesley wasn't. Wesley chopped Lilah's head off, didn't he?  
  
He'd came to Connor's college walked right up to his door and smiled warmly at him talking about an interview of some sort. It was 11pm and for a change Connor had actually gone to bed he knew he had a big exam in the morning, he felt it was important on his particular night to actually get some rest, felt his life would change. He blinked blindly at this strange man at his door, standing shameless in nothing but his blue and white checked boxers slightly covered by a creased T-shirt. After some encouragement, and his roommate throwing a pillow at him Connor had agreed and gotten dressed and into this strange mans car. Only to be driven straight into the center of a graveyard. This man was evil this man was persuasive. But there was something about him, some muddled memories, of Wesley holding Connor's face lovingly while.what was happening? Why was he holding his face lovingly? What relationship had they had?  
  
"Come back to us Connor", they'd all wanted him back so bad. He'd come back from the depths of hell, he'd fought alongside them and it was no good but they had to keep trying. Wes knew that somewhere deep down. They needed Connor, the world did. He heaved in Angel's arms as Wesley held his handsome face and looked into his eyes while he made the boy bleed. He glared with hatred and threatened to kill Angel. One of the greatest vampires that ever lived and he hadn't been afraid and there with that vampire, Connor had not been so terrified. Even Wesley knew himself that he was afraid of Angel. He would have done anything for Angel, Angel had tried to kill him, had signed away his life. Betrayed them all, just like Wesley had betrayed Connor as he threw him into the deep end at the teeth of a vampire, and why? It was what Connor needed, he would loose everyone for it.  
  
But the truth had to come out. He was almost dead inside, but that look that Connor gave him. Connor had eventually staked the vamp and lay flat on his back. Wesley walked slowly to him and stood over the boy before taking a bottle out of his pocket and forcing Connor to drink some strange substance. Wesley stared into Connor's eyes the entire time, once more holding his face. He was sure he actually sore the moment were Connor's heart broke as the tears began to glide down his face. The sorrow of an angel.  
  
I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside It's devastating, losing close friends.  
  
"The Family", had that been what Connor had wanted all along. He cried for it, he'd even thrown up. His family,the ones that he ran to. They were no longer. They weren't real. Their love was tainted. He'd hope that he'd get there. He'd see them and what had happened. It wouldn't be real. They would hold and reassure him and he'd know who he was. But they weren't real to him anymore. The freedom was frightening he'd never felt it. He'd felt it everyday, something strange some doubt of his life. But he'd never voiced it and there in front of his beautiful fake family he'd cut himself free. He thrashed every possession, every report card, he'd cut his own wrists only not to bleed to death just to bleed. His instincts kicked in and he'd ran. He knew how to run all of a sudden with a speed and a surety never before felt he ran so hard and fast that he half expected to wake up. He covered his tracks and ran into the sewers.  
  
"Connor, its for your own good. For our own good", yeah sure Wes thought. That must have really reassured a guy that just remembered a life of unspeakable pain and suffering. He wasn't even sure it was for their own good but he had to do something. Wes remembered and the others didn't except for Angel of course but he'd cut Connor from his life and vice versa. Wesley was going to once again loose everything for the only miracle he had ever known. He had to force him to remember at the cost of everything. 


	5. The Challenge

I've gone away,you make me stay but I can't tell it from lies I've gone insane, losing close friends.  
  
"You've never had anything real", that was true. He could see it now, he really hadn't. Connor crouched in the dank and looked up to the top of his small self imposed cell. Not that he could see, he could see nothing but the darkness which was comforting. He didn't know what to think or what to do. He usually sore, spoke and thought with his heart, but how could he force his heart to see in the light? It was breaking and he couldn't breathe so how would he be ever able to stand in the light again. Besides in the darkness where he couldn't even see his own hand he could sort of disappear, stop existing and that's all he wanted. He, he couldn't be this, this Destroyer person.he was considering becoming a vegetarian never mind hunting down and killing things. But he was and he knew it. His whole life, engulfed with lies, his body racked with pain. And he was alone, he was always alone and until someone saw him nothing would be real.  
  
"You just don't wanna take it personally", well Wesley thought as he tramped through the sewage scrying for Connor all the while with a frozen looking quartz. It sensed his soul. Wesley hadn't wanted to take it seriously, how could he? And how could he take Connor seriously? Surely he'd break in half trying. But he had to save Connor. Or Connor had to save him, he wasn't sure. He needed a purpose. He needed to be good again. He just wanted to be innocent. Wesley stood confused as the quartz indicated Connor was here, but he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he was plotting an attack somewhere close in the shadows, what if Connor had already remembered the insanity and readjusted to his feral ways? A gentle breatheless sobbing echoed from behind a stone slab and Wesley knew where the boy was he removed it slowly and cautiously, he looked at Connor authoritively and emotionless. Connor glared with silent malice at his intruder: "Wesley", he growled. He didn't like the light falling on him, didn't like that this man could see his tear streaked cheeks. His pride was strong within him and he felt and urge to beat Wesley for daring to come near him.  
  
"Connor, Connor. Get out of there. We need to talk", Wesley instructed moving back to allow Connor free passage out of his hole. "Go to hell", Connor replied, turning his back on his intruder. "All in good time", Wesley answered, his snarky English wit piercing Connor's façade. "What?", he was noticeably confused as he glared back at Wesley. "Well a man like me, I probably will go to hell, but not now. Not tonight". "Oh really? What happens tonight?", Connor asked. Not actually giving a damn about what the Watcher had planned. "Wouldn't you like to know? I'm afraid that I can't see into the future Connor but I'll tell you one thing. I'm your lifeline. You need answers and I have them. So get out of there if you have any courage left in you and face me". This had the exact effect Wesley had desired Connor sprang out of his cell and stood face to face with Wesley, almost touching. "Is that a challenge?!". "You really have no tact at all", Wesley laughed. "Don't laugh at me", Connor said trying to scare Wesley though he wasn't sure why. He was failing though, he was crying again and shaking in front of this stranger who was also his only friend. The only one that knew. 


	6. Confusion Out Of Home

Wesley's face softened, he'd never liked it when his father laughed at him when he cried. It cut like athousand knives and drove you to wishing you were gone. Into believing that you were nothing. It was an anger Wesley had never been able to express. "I'm sorry", he said as he reached out and reassuringly squooze Connor's wrist. "I want to help you Connor, believe me. We're friends do you remember?". Connor nodded but said nothing. "Come with me, we'll help eachother. We will get through this trust me". Connor didn't know what to do, he felt naked. He was vulnerable to this strange old friend in a way he'd never thought possible. "Okay.do.do you trust me? That, that I won't kill you? That, I won't hurt you". Wesley smiled: "With all my heart".  
  
Today I made the worst mistake I put my trust into someone I don't know.  
  
Wesley drove Connor to a strange motel just outside of L.A. Wesley watched Connor with pity as he limply lay down on the bed without even thinking twice. Without the energy to be self-conscious. His hair was ruffled split and stained by his own blood. His fingertips were covered in papercuts, he didn't know where Connor had gotten those. His beautiful cream sweater which proudly displays from his neck to his shoulders was torn, his jeans near ripped to shreds. He couldn't be allowed comfort though, not for long. Wesley was breaking all the rules for the boy. They had to be ready. "Listen, don't take offence or anything..but could you take a shower? You stink". Connor pouted upwards almost playfully from his sprawled out position. "Why would I take offence to that?", he rose and limped to the bathroom. "I'm going to take a few things from my car", Wesley shouted as he heard the shower begin to run.  
  
Connor watched the water fall all over his body, he had to admit Wesley was right. He was a mess. And he usually had such good grooming habits, didn't he? He'd have to ask Wes the man that thought he knew everything. He smiled to himself at that thought. Wesley thought he knew everything, he was all I can help you and come with me if you want to live. Newsflash dude, this is not a movie. Heh. He'd have to make a few nasty comments to Wes when he returned he concluded..Yes and then he could tell everyone that Wes had cooties, he really was behaving like some kind of god damn child. The water relaxed his tight muscles until they softened and fell, he gasped in the heat of it. Running down his body cleaning and spreading its warmth slowly over his milky skin. And all he could think about was that strange man as he slowly washed his body, the one that looked at him so hard and so full of love. One that had held Connor's face in his one hand and his heart in the other.  
  
It was a weakness, Holtz had told Connor that your heart was a precious thing and that you should let no one near it. But his mother, Darla she told him to let it guide him. Could his heart really tell lies? Why did he have to hide it from the world? It didn't make sense. Hearing Wes re- enter the room he turned and left the shower, still naked he walked back in by the bed dripping all over the floor his eyes glazed. Wesley was holding in his arms some clothes and a bottle of Jack Daniels whiskey and nearly dropped all of which in absolute fright when he saw Connor standing there, in all his glory.  
  
"Connor!", he shouted shocked and just managed to rest the bundle from his arms onto the bed. He stared mouth open at the young man. "Connor?", he repeated his own name like it was the most foreign thing in the world. "Is that who I am?", he said looking at Wes with vicious confusion. "Yes of course, you must be experiencing side affects, even such strong magi-" "Don't like magick!", Connor yelled advancing on Wesley then stopped confused again. "I think, Connor.is that my name? Or am I Stephen? Maybe I'm just The Destroyer". Wesley reached his hand out again to Connor's shoulder and tried to speak soothingly to him. "Your all of that and more, don't be afraid. But your name.your real name. Its Connor, but yes you are also Stephen and The Destroyer inside too".  
  
Connor turned his head titled slowly to Wesley in blind menace. "Really?", he asked throwing Wesley up against the wall glaring straight into his face practically growling. "The Destroyer would snap you in half". Wesley tried not to be phased by this new reaction, to the strength of Connor's hands or the firmness of his naked body pressed against him. He persisted arrogantly: "A human? I don't bloody think so. Put me down right now", Wes spoke like butter wouldn't melt in his mouth. But he was amazed and turned on by Connor, he hid it well. Perhaps everyone was often attracted to the same sex, but that doesn't mean that you react to it. 


	7. Calming Down

Connor looked still further into Wesley's eyes and loosened his grip a little. "Killed humans here", Connor corrected. "Connor did, he cried his heart out and he killed people.all those people. And he was so sad. He screamed but no one could hear him. You bastards!", Connor said realising his anger once more. Wesley slowly moved Connor's hands away and was more soothing: "Yes Connor, I hear you. I can hear you screaming. You don't have to cry anymore". Connor dropped onto the floor his legs crossed and sobbed silently his eyes on the floor. Wesley observed him cautiously and with much sympathy Connor had been through so much pain and now he had to remember and to remember is often to relive. So he was forced to relive the cold. The cold, it was cold.  
  
Wesley walked passed Connor and lit the crappy gas fire in front of them. When lit though it engulfed the whole room with an orange light it even looked like a real coal fire as it burned on. He looked down at Connor's weeping eyes, his pupils adjusted slightly to the change in light but he made no movement. It had an ironic justice Wesley thought quite cruelly, the worst pain Wesley had ever been through his entire life had been because of this one boy in this past year or so. He loved and hated Connor with a passion, he wanted to burn the boys hands and kiss his lips. The passion of his hatred knew no bounds, no mercy. Deep down he liked to watch Connor cry. The source of his worst heartache, finally getting some of his own back. He wondered if Darla went through similar stages when she remembered herself, not so much Cordy because what had she ever done?  
  
Connor couldn't think. Thinking hurt. And it led to more questions about more new memories and this alien life that he knew belonged to him. He felt Wesley's cold hands lift his arms up as Wesley pulled a beautifully blue sweatshirt onto Connor. He made no effort to help Wesley but neither did he resist him. He looked up at the larger man when he was wrapped in the warmth of the sweatshirt, he stopped crying. Wesley looked fabulous in the light of the fire, steel like, a wonderful intelligence flashed through his anciently young blue eyes. He was enchanting, like the first Watcher who ever lived. Guiding the hand of the lost warriors teaching them to be brave. Teaching them to be great. But he'd put him through so much pain why did he give him back his old life? It was a part of him he'd had no choice in forgetting.  
  
And now I know because you've done everything possible to me. Made me so upset.  
  
Wesley looked down on Connor who looked stricken staring up at him. In that beautiful blue sweatshirt contrasting brilliantly with his honest soft eyes. It was too much for Wesley he fondled on the bed and came back with the Jack Daniels and two glasses. He poured and handed one to Connor: "It'll calm your nerves", he said once again finding himself before throwing his triple shot back without a second thought burning down his scarred throat and into his belly. Connor sniffed his before drinking it slowly. He became light-headed slowly and warmer while drinking it. "So whats with the whiskey? Even if it does calm isn't it dangerous or against the rules or something?". Wesley flashed a genuinely happy smile remembering the past fondly: "Well men always talk over a drink. I used to think tea did the trick but your father taught me different". Wesley sat down his legs sprawled out behind him, slanted behind Connor but so they could still talk face to face. Connor became quiet and didn't say anything he just drank until he could bare to speak his mind again.  
  
"Sold my soul, lost everything.and you", Connor looked into Wesley's eyes looking for some reassurance that if he were to lay himself bare he would be safe, he got it " you brought it back to me". "Losing your soul is a terribly awful business", Wesley said thoughtly refreshing their drinks. "You speak as though you have lost yours", Connor said, lost once more in this thoughts.  
  
"I did", Wesley said slowly and just as thoughtfully. Connor turned and looked at him with honest interest: "How? Why?". "I lost the most precious and wonderful thing in all of this world or any other.", Wesley was lost now in this awful memory. "I didn't mean to, I, I was trying to do the opposite but..I was confused", he was filled with remorse as those words slipped out. "Confused", Connor half-smiled at the word "I know a lot about that..but even, even in the confusion I took what I wanted and no one could stop me, I wanted a, a family, to be loved. Wanted this world, something to ease the pain you know?", he sounded half-defeated yet nostalgic. Wesley laughed a little those memories had been forgotten to him for some time too. 


	8. Lost And Found

"Yes, and you pissed off quite enough people in doing it, it was like you didn't care". "I did care", Connor cut in. "More than you'll ever know, but I won't hold back. If I want something-" "You'll take it", Wesley finished, guiltily looking upon Connor's soft red lips and having to stop himself from kissing them. Connor smiled, that was one good thing. And that's all he needed one good thing to get through the night.  
  
Wesley threw back his drink again and merely watched Connor's face for a little while, slightly bowed down his hair ever so slightly draping over his eyes. Mysterious and beautiful. Connor was the worlds best kept secret, Wesley wondered how Angel could stand to be away from him, true Connor was a handful at times.most of the time but that's the way he was. Connor was a young male champion and as such a stallion, a lone wolf, hungrily connecting with the others around him but demanding respect and independence. Connor bit his lip thoughtfully. Wes had never seen him do that before, he missed watching Connor's emotions, his smiles, his snarls, his smirks he made demons seem boring.  
  
"Wesley what happens now?", Connor asked finally looking up at Wesley, completely open, without anything slightly resembling hostility if anything it was friendly. "I can't go back to college. And my friends.my family. Its important you know, I know it wasn't real but-". "It was real", Wesley corrected Connor. "But your right you can't go back. We have a fight, a great many evils to conquer". Connor smiled sweetly at this and confessed: "I never conquered, hell I barely came". Wesley and Connor laughed, it was good to be honest, they hadn't been alone together since Connor had arrived back in this world, but they seemed to understand and respect eachother in a way the others never could understand. "Me either", Wesley said smiling warmly at Connor the firelight dancing on his face. "But we have to and we will". Connor rested his head on his knee and smiled at Wesley he believed him. If Wesley said so they would. Wesley continued laughing.  
  
Connor looked down at Wesley on the bed, he was still holding the older mans hips trying to manoeuvre him into a safe position. Wesley looked around dizzly: "Huh?! What the? Bloody hell? Is the room spinning?". "Only for you", Connor replied quietly sitting beside Wes. "Did no one ever tell you that you shouldn't drink fast? Goes straight to your head". "Oh shut-up", Wesley said resting his head back on the pillow, Connor frowned he didn't like being told to shut-up. Wesley starred at the ceiling lost in thought. They were really in it now. If only he could turn back time. If only he could have saved Connor if only things had been different. It was all his fault if only he'd. The tears began to well up in his eyes.  
  
"Wesley?", Connor asked softly. Wesley hesitated, now wasn't the time. "What?". "Before..when you said that you'd lost. You'd lost everything, your soul, the precious.the precious. I". "You what?", Wesley asked, great Connor was about to impart some of his 'I've just finished puberty advice' on him. "I'm here now", Connor said quietly looking at the firelight. "What?", Wesley said confused and sobering slightly he half sat up. "I know that.", Connor inspected the sheets just to avoid Wesley's gaze. "That I was what you lost, but I'm here now. Theres no reason to be sad." Wesley was amazed at what the boy was saying that outright honestly again. He didn't deserve to be in the same room as something so pure, so complicated. He scoffed. "You have no idea of what I've done in my life". "No." Connor said thoughtfully and waited before turning to Wesley "But I can imagine". 


	9. Not Being Alone

And now I know just who to trust because you're laying in bed You're thinking 'bout all that fucked up shit.  
  
Wesley was quite lost now. Somehow Peter Pan had outwitted him. He had to find a way to.stop being so damn cruel. He kept himself so protected. Connor was still in a world of his own staring back at the fire. Wesley thought of Lilah, he had loved her and he'd lied about it. It was over now, but it wasn't. You never really stop loving someone. You just echo. He wondered what Connor's feelings for Cordy were at this point if he had any. Connor's smooth sigh woke him from his trance. "Wesley, its all.I remember it all but its difficult because everything I know contradicts itself. Were we.friends?". Wesley smiled sitting up and placing his arm around Connor's back. His face came to the side of Connor's as the boy a little tipsily tilted his towards Wesley's. He found it in him to smile at Connor now to prove his honesty and meaning: "Close friends". "You bled me". "I did a lot of things to you.I'm bad like that". "No. Your not. When I look into your eyes I don't see badness". "What do you see?". "A fighter". "Well I can swing the odd axe-" "Not like that".  
  
Connor was amazed by Wesley but he didn't seem to know his own self worth, if only he could see himself through the eyes of other people. Wesley pulled back and rubbed his eyes: "You warm enough in that? Because I've got more clothes in". "Warm enough thanks", Connor replied quickly. "Yes well its just, your not wearing any boxers or anything", Wesley couldn't help but smile evilly at his own words, the thought of Connor just sitting beside him on the bed still showing a great deal more than he should have. Connor stared back a little embarrassed. Out of the shower it hadn't been such a big deal they all showered together naked in college after hockey practice. But after, it was all a blur and he'd forgot that he was half naked. "Um, sorry", Connor said trying to pull his sweatshirt down in vain even though Wesley had quite pointedly turned away. "Oh, don't be. Strong.strong magicks". "And whiskey", Connor laughed. Wesley smiled his back to Connor, yes he had to give him the whiskey, smart idea. Next they'd be singing songs like the drunkards in the pubs back home. Home, that hurt. Wesley just realised neither one of them had one anymore. And why? For the good fight? What were they fighting for?  
  
I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside It's devastating, losing close friends.  
  
Connor's mobile started to ring on the floor in his sewer soaked clothes. He picked it up awkwardly trying to cover up his package from Wesley. It played 'Teenage Kicks' quite loudly and he almost found himself humming it. He looked at the screen but didn't answer it. It read 'One off calling' and had a smiley face underneath advertising it. He smiled 'One off' he'd called Ashleigh that for a week after he'd won the playstation tournament at college. Suddenly he felt his stomach heat and bile rising as he remembered the reality of the situation. He had a new purpose, no more playstation tournaments, fraternity parties or Baywatch marathons for him. It just wasn't fair. He just wanted to go back to his dorm. Wesley watched all this and took Connor's phone from him, still ringing in his hand. "Not now", he whispered.  
  
I've gone away, you make me stay but I can't tell it from lies (Lies) I've gone insane, losing close friends  
  
"But now I'm alone again", Connor cried. "No your not", Wesley soothed. "I'll never let you be alone". Their faces where so close that their noses touched. Connor laughed slightly as he stopped crying: "You smell like burning and whiskey", Wesley pulled away a little but Connor grabbed him and stared down at his scar on his throat, newly turned crimson by their earlier strangling session. He fingered it softly. "How'd you do that?". Wesley gasped. "Love is sacrifice", he murmered. "Really?", Connor asked. "Like now, your risking a lot.more than you know". His hands glided down to Wesley's shirt which he began to unbuttonly slowly while he tenderly kissed Wesley's scar. The feel of his lips was simply enchanting to Wesley but he grimaced. "Get off me Connor. Stop it. You don't know what your doing". "Like you ever did", Connor remarked leaning in for a real kiss but Wesley moved back gently invoking a seductive pout from Connor. 


	10. Losing Myself

Wesley thought about it for a second, Connor seemed relaxed and in control but he could feel him trembling against him. Maybe he thought he couldn't turn back now. "Connor your drunk.and ever so slightly insane. I'm sorry this is my fault we'll pretend this didn't happen okay?". Connor pulled back: "Fine", Connor said looking back at the warm glow of the fire dancing around the dark room. "Connor. I. I have to stop this because if I.if I", he couldn't end his sentence. "What?", Connor asked concerned. "If I start I won't be able to stop". Connor laughed. "That's pathetic!". "Fuck you!", Wesley answered trying to sound as stern as possible, feeling quite betrayed at Connor's laughter. Connor smiled. "Hey, is that a promise?". Wesley smiled. The idea of Connor flirting with him itself was beyond ridiculous but he figured why not? They'd both gone insane and left their security forever now. They'd accepted the truth which sadly meant that they would loose friends, but there was no stopping it now. He lent into Connor slowly keeping eye-contact, ensuring himself that Connor wanted it, but it didn't matter anyway because he had his arm around Connor's back pulling him into him as he softly kissed him.  
  
Connor couldn't believe it the softness of Wes's lip the soothing flow of Wes's tongue against his, it was so surreal. A dream, he laughed at his own thoughts, might as well be a wet dream. Eyes shut he pulled Wes's clothing off still lost in their kiss, in the depths of the Englishman's mouth. He tasted so good. Like nothing he'd ever experienced. Slowly he moved from the embrace and kissed down Wes's body, neck, chest, the tender of his belly and now he licked and sucked at the mans thighs just beside his dick enticingly. Almost fierce, he needed this. He'd lost himself already as Wes had forced that kiss on him now he had to make Wesley loose himself.  
  
Wesley barely watched Connor's movement he was losing himself under Connor's touch, his lips against his skin. He was dragging it out far too long, stroking Wesley's body and now gently feeling the underneath of his balls. He was so touchy it was womanish, beyond womanish. He was a tease and maybe it shouldn't have been such a big surprise considering his parents. But the sexual attraction Connor had in spades. Finally Connor licked the tip of Wesley's dick. Wesley reacted, he was going to finally release him. But to his surprise he didn't, he continued to lick and kiss the very end of him so tenderly he wanted to thrash Connor a million times for every second he persisted. Connor was indeed a dick tease and the greatest Wesley had ever encountered. God more reason to despise the beautiful devil. Connor let Wesley free in the end, after a few minutes he took Wesley's dick into his mouth fully and sucked so hard Wesley's head began to spin again as he came. This harshness had such a contrast to the tenderness he had just executed. He decided he was going to fuck Connor's brains out for this.  
  
Connor held eye contact with Wesley during this entire encounter laughing at Wesley silently. He needed to be needed. To be wanted. And he was going to make sure of that. Wesley's face possessed a threatening love, and Connor knew he'd pissed off the man that had no trouble throwing him into a vampire. Finally Wes came all the way down Connor's throat, Connor's professionalism was almost stunted for a moment as he nearly choked on Wesley's semen. Wesley chuckled as Connor grimaced and moved back, resting against the head board. But Wesley wasn't having that, the quiet Watcher indeed had a dark side that wouldn't let Connor go. He had already became increasingly paranoid that Connor would try to leave. He'd warned Connor earlier there was no turning back now. He hated himself for what he was now, who he was. But he hated Connor more. But all of that hatred was bred only from a love which was just as ugly as it was beautiful.  
  
"Where do you think your going?", Wesley asked Connor smoothly. Connor rested his head further down on the headboard: "Apparently to a place that makes me very dizzy". Wesley found this very funny, apparently Connor had never sucked on a guys cock before but that was okay because neither had Wesley and he'd had no intention of not going on top anyway. He had already gotten his heated erection, he surged trying to control himself on the sheets and Connor observed him with a wistfulness that reminded Wesley of a wolf. The calm ferocity they have while waiting for their fight, for their food, for life. Connor was wild. But so was Wesley and he didn't give a damn that Connor was strong or chosen he was there for the taking and he would take him. Connor was growing impatient even though mere seconds had gone by: "Wesley", he pined while against the board, he could see Wesley's blue eyes alight with ideas and tricks but Connor didn't want to play, he just wanted Wesley. His Watcher. The Rogue Demon hunter. 


	11. Dizzy Spell

Wesley moved over to Connor and hovered momentarily just above him his lips next to Connor's their breath intermingled. He gave Connor a quick soft brush against the lips before quiet emotionlessly telling Connor: "Brace yourself". Connor screamed and banged his head against the dry wall as Wesley's erection fully penetrated his soft ass. "Oh fuck Wesley", he said almost in tears that really had come as a shock to him. Wesley offered no comfort or kind words he just held Connor's gaze for a moment, both of their steely eyes alight with an orange glow questioning their partner and Connor was reassured. His face relaxed as he momentarily let his head rest on Wesley's shoulder and sighed deeply. Wesley couldn't hold back at all any more and pulled Connor underneath him and started to slowly fuck the boy from above him, face to face. At first it was soothing, penetrating. They were both lost in the gentle fuck for a little while, Connor's leg glided across Wesley's leg his skin was so soft.  
  
I'm so weak The closeness of your skin.  
  
Wesley looked down upon Connor, still truly an angel his smile warm and his lips soft against Wesley's nipples. He was impossibly perfect but even in Wesley's ecstasy he noticed that Connor though obviously turned on hadn't come. Usually boys couldn't control themselves. Connor was always difficult though always twice as hard and stubborn as anyone he had ever known but he was always worth it in the end. He left his hand slide down Connor's body while the other he pushed on the wall until he found Connor's cock and grasped it firmly.  
  
Connor leant back slightly arching his body up to Wesley as he fucked him harder and tugged on his cock. He'd never imagined Wesley would be dominant when they fucked then again he'd never imagined fucking with Wesley. He hadn't even been able to remember him for such a long time and it wasn't fair. The heat was far too much for Connor as well as his coming orgasm, he groaned and whined beneath Wesley incessantly. Wesley thought it was quite amusing Connor had been quite alright about trying to take on the entire Fang Gang often solo a countless number of times without flinching but he was melting and trembling beneath the power of his cock. That really was something. He pulsated against Connor as the heat became too much for him and he started him bang him into the bed harshly. Not that Connor minded he grabbed the bars of the headboard and writhed in motion with Wesley biting on the mans lips as they both peaked and lost all control.  
  
The smell of this place, Makes me go insane.  
  
The feel of Wesley banging against Connor's prostate brought to him a feeling of exhilaration he'd never known as he yelled and screamed for more. Wesley was surprisingly strong and good at fucking. Far more experienced than the super boy underneath him and he took great pleasure in teaching the young champion a thing or two as his partner quaked beneath him.  
  
When Wesley finally pulled out of Connor the boy was still hard, and still hungrily kissing Wesley. He had to admire enthusiasm he'd known that Connor probably would have more stamina and animal like qualities than him but he had a great deal to learn about restraint. No matter how loud Wesley had moaned Connor had moaned harder, no matter how hard he pushed that he nearly broke the boy in two he wanted more. It was admirable and typical of a young buck. He leant down to Connor's ear: "Pace yourself for Gods sake". Then he slowly jerked Connor off, while they kissed eyes shut, hot and sweaty.  
  
"I'm so tired", Connor murmured in the end, "my muscles". "You hadn't known how to use them in a very long time", Wesley said thoughtfully. "That thing with the vampire?", Connor said turning. "I had to force part of your true nature out, it had to be gut instinct life or death they made you believe you had very different abilities". "They made me believe a great many things". 


	12. Losing A Close Friend

Wesley awoke the next morning and Connor was gone, he looked for him calmly around the room and the shower but he was no were to be seen. He looked out of the door and still could not see him. "Hey", an older man gruffly yelled over to Wesley, he looked like he been drunk in a ditch for three days and in an area like this it wasn't entirely unlikely. The sun had just rose and glowed warmly against Wesley but this guy was well awake. "Mornin pretty boy". Wesley rubbed his temple it was far too early for this: "Oh bloody hell". "Just saw another pretty boy, damndest thing though. Pretty boy my ass, damn little bastards prettier than my wife". Wesley smiled, Connor great someone had seen him. He spoke as clearly and slowly as possible to the drunk: "Where did the boy go?". "No thank you, I'm a little tired. Maybe later", the man replied with a perverted grin on his lips. Wesley scoffed, this wasn't going to be the easy. "The pretty boy", he said louder "Where did he go?". "Yes you are a very pretty boy with a beautiful fake accent", the man said tapping Wesley's cheek. Wesley groaned, Connor was going to pay for this.  
  
Connor breathed in the fresh air. His lungs had felt crapped but he felt much better here sitting on top of the roof he could see for miles around. It all seemed like a wastleland. So lost, so alone. It wasn't scary it was liberating. The wind in his face the smell of the sands and the grass. He closed his eyes. What was scary was what came next. Who was he? And did he deserve to be? He breathed in deeply and calmly.  
  
"The other boy! The one who is an actual boy, bout yay big", Wesley indicated a few inches beneath his own full height. "Big blue eyes, brown hair, answers to...well..no one". "Oh yeah, you want the other pretty boy!". "Yes!", Wesley said triumphantly. "Why didn't you say so". Wesley reminded himself that smacking the old wino in front of him would be wrong. "Where. Did. He. Go?!", Wesley asked. "Up there on the roof, monkey boy!", the old man laughed and started falling about. Wesley turned to look up at the roof and yes there was Connor's silhouette standing against the brightness of the sun: "Thank you". "Your welcome. And don't you forget Anglish, later on!", the old man winked and wandered off.  
  
Connor stood defiant of his own feelings as he sighed: "Dad", it was filled with love and remorse. Wesley had just gotten up and was behind Connor, which Dad? He wondered Angel, Holtz or the new one. Of course he already knew. Angel. He had to admit to being jealous over the bond between father and son. It raged silently within them more persistent than love and stronger than hatred. Their names where written across each others souls their destinies forever intertwined. "Good morning Wesley", Connor said turning with a weak smile. "Is there something wrong?", Wesley asked, knowing there was. Connor came close into Wesley and wrapped his arm around the man for a quick gentle embrace to greet him. "Yes. We have to go don't we? Back to him.back to them", he was sorrowful yet sure. Wesley nodded: "Well that was the general and original plan, they have to be saved". "Yes." Connor said sadly. "We all do". "We will.in the end", Wesley answered.  
  
I, You make me go insane I was betrayed, how can you say that you feel sorry inside.  
  
"They won't accept it at first", Wesley told Connor in the car on the drive back into L.A. Connor looked back over, a sense of resolve and puzzle in his face: "Us?", he asked. "Because Wesley its none of their business and-" he was touching Wesley''s cheek gently. Wesley smiled warmly: "No I meant the truth, it'll be hard to accept the lies", Wesley said becoming deep in thought again. "Yes, its easier to run and not face reality", Connor said in a world of his own again. "I don't even remember what I'm fighting for or whos right. I just..am". "Sometimes that's the best you can do. And if your going to fall. You'll fall. Just don't worry about it", Wes offered. "And it is their business, especially your father". "My craziness is their business, well I never said it wasn't but-". Connor looked confused and worried as he squinted his eyes and stared openly at Wes, he couldn't help but laugh at the boy. "I meant you and me! Not that I plan to have outright displays in front of them but we must tell them and it will be hard. But saying that you already slept with Angel's love interest last year". Connor was offended: "And you slept with his greatest enemy". "Well technically I was his greatest enemy at the time for losing you", Wesley yelled harshly. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment. "Manwhore", Connor giggled childishly. Wesley laughed: "Your one to talk!".  
  
It's devastating, losing close friends, I've gone away, you make me stay but I can't tell it from lies.  
  
Wesley's car screeched into a halt outside Wolfram and Hart. "We're just going for files this time, we can't afford to try to take them on just yet. There is risk though, would you like to call your friends now..just in case? Are you ready for this?", Wesley asked carefully. He knew it. Connor was not Angel he had so much potential so much to loose and he had not stolen from Wolfram and Hart before. Connor shook his head.  
  
"Your right this is dangerous I don't have time for friends. I can't not yet, not until I have them back. Until then I'm friendless I have to leave it all behind", he was sorrowful yet stubborn. "So I'm not your friend then? That's nice", Wesley remarked. "No", Connor replied. "That ship has truly sailed", he smiled at Wesley who leant in for one last soft kiss. Before Connor shook off his retirement jumped into the tunnels and proved his namesake. While Wesley taking over the computer stations, outsmarted the enemy and watched Connor on the monitors.  
  
I've got insane, losing close friends Losing close friends.  
  
-The End. 


End file.
